Motherhood...

"I like this..." I thought to myself as I sat there, in my bright purple sea-horse sweater and gray shorts, a million pillows surrounding me and a crick in my neck from leaning on one side too long. It was the end of my night, and where else would I be but in my over sized bed, reading my self-help book that I purchased at the Christian bookstore for $14.99 in the "your-life-sucks-you-will-find-the-answers-here" section.

The past few weeks have been very long. Alone time and rest were much needed. For almost a month, it feels like I've been in perpetual labor and at one point I think the baby got stuck half-way out. All I could do was helplessly lay there in pain, beads of sweat gracing my forehead, hoping a doctor would come by, grab it by the neck, and shout a big "One more push, Jordan!" to finally put an end to the nightmare. That's graphic, but its the only way I can describe my experiences as of lately.

I will say, however, that I am now in the happy, transitional stages of motherhood. I named my imaginary child "Healing", I thought it was most appropriate. Healing is a tender little girl, peaceful, full of surprises. She smiles and laughs at the simplest things, brings joy to all who see her, and makes me proud to call her my own. Her skin is so new and fresh and pure and...

Innocent.

She is vulnerable to the elements and is in need of protection from all outside predators. She requires nurturing and gentle care. She needs a place to be safe to grow and be healthy. As her mother, I will watch her take her first steps, lose her first tooth, eat peas for the first time and make that weird scrunchy face that only children make when eating something healthy and flavorless.

Nothing is going to come between me and dear, little Healing. Nothing. Like a mother bear protecting her cubs, I will allow no person, place, or thing to harm my child. And I will not allow distractions and interruptions to take away these precious, irreplaceable moments of peace and joy.

Nothing.