A Lil' Wisdom From a Dreamer...

With a personality like mine, its always hard to make the decision to be content.

I am the type, I guess, that you would call more of a "visionary" personality. I rarely ever see things in the present. I'm constantly thinking about the future, seeing what could be versus what already is.

I think this has served me well in many areas of my life. It definitely has helped me when it comes to creativity. For some reason, since childhood, I have always thought about the future. Always thinking about where I want to be, what I want to be doing, who I want to be doing those things with. Throughout my life, I have met many other people who think this way. The people that I am drawn to are always the type who tend to dream big and come up with ideas from unique, insightful perspectives that most other people don't naturally think of first. I guess you could call all of us dreamers? The words "you can't" or "impossible" never really go through our minds. If anything the words, "what if" always seem to be the common theme in our thoughts. A wild, unbound imagination is easily recognized when having a conversation with a dreamer. But I am learning, after 22 years of experience, it can also one of our biggest downfalls.

The downside of being a dreamer is that you are seldom ever content with where you are or what you have. Being so "future-minded", I have an issue with being satisfied with the present. There is always more that I want to be. More intelligent, savvy, successful. Be a better friend, worker, server. Sing a little higher, jog a little faster, talk a little more clever, be a bit thinner...

Love a little deeper, obey a little easier, say the right thing, do the right thing, dress a little nicer...

Whether its regarding my personal performance as a person or a self-inflicted negative evaluation of my exterior, I always seem to come up short. There's always MORE that I want. More that I wish I had. If only I could get past the "now" and get to where I want to be then, at last, I could be content. At last, I could finally have a great life. The life I've always wanted. The life I always dreamed of...

Don't get me wrong. Being a dreamer has many positive traits. You are able to think out of the box. You accept change easier. You even tend to work harder than others, always knowing there will be a payoff one day, even if it isn't close by. I've seen, first hand, how special it can be to have a mind that thinks this way. Since grade school, I've always been placed in positions of leadership and I think that having a visionary mentality may have something to do with it. People usually want to be around other people who have a clear vision. We tend to want to be led by people who know where they are going. However, I'm learning that being a dreaming "visionary" can sometimes be hard, especially when you lack some of the necessary disciplines that go along with it. Like putting a plan together to actually get somewhere.


1.) I tend to be so "future" driven, that I don't seem to focus on the "now" in order to come up with a plan to get there. I cannot tell you how many people I have encountered throughout my life that struggle with this very issue. From these fellow dreamers, myself included, I've heard quotes very similar to these:

"I've got the talent to make in on Broadway. One day, I'm going to be a dancer in a Tony-award winning show!"

"I have the drive to start my own business, like, own a boutique--full of rare trinkets from all over the world. Stuff that you'd never see anywhere else."

"I have the heart to one day move overseas and open an orphanage. I can see it now, me---still single---with tons of children all around me. They'd call me 'mama' and I'd have cute nicknames for all 127 of them. Who needs to get married and have kids of your own? This is what I really want."

"One day, I see myself traveling all over the world, ministering to thousands of people. Literally, thousands. Preaching with a traveling ministry. That is my dream."

Now, all of these dreams are great. They are imaginative, full of inspiration, were most likely given by a Divine creativity, and cause a certain excitement to rise within you as you listen to these dreamers lavish their deepest wishes and hopes for their future onto your lap. It is always exciting to hear new ideas and "pitches", if you will. But the one thing I've noticed the most from being a dreamer myself, and observing others, is that there is rarely ever a plan outlined to get us out of the parking lot of our dreams on to the highway of reality. We could be great dancers, but have no real training or experience in professional showbiz. We could have great business ideas and street smarts, but lack the education and licensing to be able to open our own shops. We may have the heart for people and deep compassion, but lack the obedience to leave home or the servant hood required to be a missionary. We could even have a great call to ministry and have pastors from all over the world see the anointing on us, but don't have the discipline and character needed to be a shepard worthy of flock that accepts our guidance and teachings.

I think anytime you put ordinary people together with an extraordinarily creative God, dreams and visions are bound to erupt forth in the hundreds, full of power and newness. However, I've taken notice how so many of us dreamers and visionaries sometimes spend so much time dreaming about the future that we have a tendency of wasting time by not putting forth the work that is needed to see these dreams come forth.

What about schooling and education? What about discipline and serving? What about taking one day at a time and being the best you can be with what you have now? What about being content with today and making the most of it so that tomorrow can be even greater?


Another problem that I find while being a dream is that:

2.) Fresh ideas and new visions seem to have an never ending supply, but when it comes to actually following through and seeing these things come to reality, well, that's a whole other story.

Maybe I could blame it on a cop-out disorder like ADD, but I tend to excuse my lack of accomplishment to me being so full of new ideas that by the time I get started with something, a whole other project, event, or insight comes into my mind causing all of my focus and attention to be turned away. I can't seem to divide my mind when it comes to multiple projects. Almost as if each new thought needs my 100% devotion and energy, leaving out the possibility of anything else being in the picture.

This makes a lot of sense when it comes to my relationship habits as well. Be it a friendship, new hobby, or newly found passion for work, I tend to lack the discipline of delegation. I seem to have a hard time putting priorities in place. When something, or someone, catches my attention, it is rare of me to be able to balance other things, or other someones, in my world. Throughout the years, I became somewhat of a "one person, one dream" kind of woman. That leaves little room for anything or anyone else. This is not good. This leaves a lot of people out of the equation and keeps a lot of good qualities from being obtained from all the "others" that I left behind for my new "one person" or new "one dream".

I also notice that when it seems to take too much time, energy, and brain work to make a dream come to reality, I tend to give up. Its easy to accept new things when the old things become too much too hand. When I sort of lose control and are out of ways to complete the older things, its much easier to run to something else to make myself feel fresh again. The old also seems to lose its flavor after a while, and a dreamer like me is always after tasting something new. This is probably why I dream so much in the first place. Again, always discontent.

Whether its a song idea, book idea, video idea, ministry idea, choreography idea, painting idea, community event idea, work idea---they all seem to get pushed aside when the latest and greatest "idea" pops in my mind. This probably explains why I have notebooks full of half-finished songs---I just get bored.

Anyways, I guess you could say that these questions and thoughts have been circulating in my brain these past couple of months. I am learning that you can have all the vision you want, but if you waste your time by not putting forth the work to get there, then all you are going to be is a big pile of dreams with no future.

But even in the midst of my deep thinking, the most amazing realization I have had is that, although it takes determination and a made up mind to have it, there IS a way to have perfect balance. There is a way to be able to sort things out and have focus and put in the work, little by little, to see your dreams come to reality. I've seen this in some of the greatest leaders around me, two of them being my pastors. I've witnessed their walk with God for enough years to be able to say that I've seen two people be the greatest examples of determination, hard work, reliance, and surrender. I realize that God gives us these dreams, but he also requires us to do something in the mean time. We have to to be determined, we have to work hard, we have to rely on him, and then at the end of the day, surrender everything.

This is the only way our dreams ever come to reality. Its a choice that we make. I'm finding that as a dreamer, the most important priority in my life has to be a close, real relationship with God. Otherwise, I'm a jumbled mess with no direction.

If my heart is close to God's, then I don't ever have to worry about where I should be, or where I should go. He will tell me. It is up to me to listen to Him and be content with where I am today.

I have to choose to be content.

Quail...

His eyes were as giant as big, brown tootsie rolls. His bottom lip trembled and the look on his face could only mean that I was on to something. Victory. Complete victory.

Seconds before, a light bulb had went off in my mind and suddenly my entire life, my entire approach to life, changed in an instant.

"QUAIL! I mean, really! Can you believe it?!?!?", I exclaimed as I made my residence known in the Borders cafe. I think the lady next to us stopped whatever she was doing on her computer half-way into my monologue and listened to my insightful revelation of life and Hebrew people...and quail. I could sense her scooting closer to us, her ears itching to hear something momentous and spectacular.

When Brandon finally digested the grandeur of the moment and all the craziness I just dropped onto his lap, his entire face contorted as if his life made a little more sense too and with a nod of approval and a smirk he replied,



" Quail."



"Quail?"



"QUAIL!!!!!! Yes!"


He then shook his head in the Brandon-like way that he does sometimes when he is enjoying his own thoughts, and didn't say anything for a solid 10 seconds. I was as giddy as a school girl who had just received the latest Tiger Beat magazine in the mail--Hanson addition--and had to control the giant voice inside of me that wanted to burst out into song and fervent tap dancing. The people surrounding us, I'm sure, wouldn't have appreciated my revised rendition of the Hallelujah chorus that was now spinning through the wheels of my brain, but something tells me that the weird Asian lady in mismatching clothes--she kept walking around and talking to herself--would have really understood me in that moment. Who knows? Maybe she would have joined me and we both could have partaken in the happiness together and serenaded each other atop the cafe counter, joyously harmonizing to the tunes of hearts with choreographed dances and perfectly timed hand motions. She would shimmy; I would yodel. She would hum to the baristas and I would interpret in sign language. It could have been amazing. And we could have been taken out of the Borders lounge by the police...together. The way I figure, public outbursts of insanity are never quite as sweet alone as they are with company. I think she would have enjoyed this very much. Something about the color of her mismatched socks told me so.

Needless to say, this week has been an experience full of so much discovery, I just don't think words can give it justice. It is mostly why I have not written in this thing lately; there is just so much I have been taking in and thinking about, I haven't been able to do anything but let the current take me wherever it leads and listen to the thrashing waters of revelation. That sucker came 100mph dead beat into the streets of Jordan and knocked me over with lightning speed force until I was left splashing around in its waves, screaming for my friends to come and join me. The things I've been learning...

It is almost as if the heavens opened up and an angel spilled some of her holy, anointed apple juice from a royal goblet onto my forehead, splashing me with glory and mystical insight into higher ways.

It has been really great. I have a feeling that this portion of time is something that doesn't come around frequently in one's life. Kind of like milestones that are few and far between. Even if they aren't, I'm really liking this season. I could get used to it. But I don't want to. I'm happy to keep riding the waves.

I promise to write more later...

Oh, Gloria Aleluya...

(NOTE: I found this entry from a long time ago. It was fun to read and completely describes how I feel today. And its about trees. How suiting. Grammar and wording have been edited.)

I have a close friend. Her name is Gloria.

Gloria is a tree.

She is not just any tree. Gloria is a mighty tree. An unmovable tree. An unstoppable tree. A tree that forces you to hug it.

I came to know Great Gloria on a day that was very unhappy. You know those type of days? The unhappy ones. Yes. It was one of those. I just knew things would be so much better if I could just find a tree and sit in it...

Low and behold, there she was. Perfectly shaped, wonderfully made, donning a brilliantly large happy face carved into her most enormous branch.

---If that is not a sign of a joyful tree, then I don't know what is!---

Every time I climb into Gloria, I'm greeted with a smile. Mmm. Lovely. And every time I sit with Gloria, forgetting the pedestrians around me and their looks of confusion and secret longing, the breeze blows in this way that cannot be described by any other word than...

Breathtaking.

I am met with the kind of silky air that literally takes your breath away when I rest my head on the bosom of dearest Gloria. I will be in the middle of a sentence or spooning ice cream into my mouth, typically accompanied with a friend who shares a common interest in trees or food of any sort, and I can't help myself. I have to stop everything I'm doing, stretch out my arms as wide as I can, close my eyes, and let it rush over like a warm, welcoming hug.

Its quite laughable. This experience can only be explained by saying that its almost as if God, Himself, interrupts me with prettiness. And prettiness just can't be denied, it can't be ignored, it can't be put aside--you HAVE to stop and submerge yourself in it, be captured by it, give it your full attention!

So this is my point: I went on a long bike ride today and while I rode past the dozens of landmarks of my childhood, one being my small hand prints in the cement of my neighbor's driveway, the birds were singing to me--literally, singing to me. And I knew they were singing to ME. Not to you, not to my neighbors, not to the mail man who kept trying to run me over...

...but to me.

As I rode further, I was overwhelemd when I realized there are lots of trees all throughout my neighborhood, which I seem to only notice when I am making it a point to take notice, and ya know something? Almost always trees come in twos. Its really mysterious to me. I wonder what the point of that is? Its very rare that you see trees of different groups sitting singularly, with their lonesome. Really, take a look for yourself.

Threes are almost always accompanied by another one of its same kind.

While I cycled on, my short legs scurrying round and round, all of my attention was drawn to the sun-kissed beauties that were the tallest. I noticed these two pine trees as the highest of all the trees in the forest, the mightiest kings of the castle. These pine trees were stripped of almost all their leaves except a small bundle, fluttering at the very top, branches prostrate, almost as if in surrendered worship. As for the rest of the trees around them, it just seems they just didn't have it in them to keep growing, to keep going higher.

No. Only these two trees made it. Its like these trees were determined to reach the sky and wouldn't settle for anything less. They had their mind set on submerging themselves into the light. It costs them their time. It costs them their beauty. It costs them closeness with other trees...

Still, they grew taller. They're kinda awkward, they sorta stick out and seem out of place, yet their height is incomparable to any others.

It was today that I realized I want to be like those trees.