With a personality like mine, its always hard to make the decision to be content.
I am the type, I guess, that you would call more of a "visionary" personality. I rarely ever see things in the present. I'm constantly thinking about the future, seeing what could be versus what already is.
I think this has served me well in many areas of my life. It definitely has helped me when it comes to creativity. For some reason, since childhood, I have always thought about the future. Always thinking about where I want to be, what I want to be doing, who I want to be doing those things with. Throughout my life, I have met many other people who think this way. The people that I am drawn to are always the type who tend to dream big and come up with ideas from unique, insightful perspectives that most other people don't naturally think of first. I guess you could call all of us dreamers? The words "you can't" or "impossible" never really go through our minds. If anything the words, "what if" always seem to be the common theme in our thoughts. A wild, unbound imagination is easily recognized when having a conversation with a dreamer. But I am learning, after 22 years of experience, it can also one of our biggest downfalls.
The downside of being a dreamer is that you are seldom ever content with where you are or what you have. Being so "future-minded", I have an issue with being satisfied with the present. There is always more that I want to be. More intelligent, savvy, successful. Be a better friend, worker, server. Sing a little higher, jog a little faster, talk a little more clever, be a bit thinner...
Love a little deeper, obey a little easier, say the right thing, do the right thing, dress a little nicer...
Whether its regarding my personal performance as a person or a self-inflicted negative evaluation of my exterior, I always seem to come up short. There's always MORE that I want. More that I wish I had. If only I could get past the "now" and get to where I want to be then, at last, I could be content. At last, I could finally have a great life. The life I've always wanted. The life I always dreamed of...
Don't get me wrong. Being a dreamer has many positive traits. You are able to think out of the box. You accept change easier. You even tend to work harder than others, always knowing there will be a payoff one day, even if it isn't close by. I've seen, first hand, how special it can be to have a mind that thinks this way. Since grade school, I've always been placed in positions of leadership and I think that having a visionary mentality may have something to do with it. People usually want to be around other people who have a clear vision. We tend to want to be led by people who know where they are going. However, I'm learning that being a dreaming "visionary" can sometimes be hard, especially when you lack some of the necessary disciplines that go along with it. Like putting a plan together to actually get somewhere.
1.) I tend to be so "future" driven, that I don't seem to focus on the "now" in order to come up with a plan to get there. I cannot tell you how many people I have encountered throughout my life that struggle with this very issue. From these fellow dreamers, myself included, I've heard quotes very similar to these:
"I've got the talent to make in on Broadway. One day, I'm going to be a dancer in a Tony-award winning show!"
"I have the drive to start my own business, like, own a boutique--full of rare trinkets from all over the world. Stuff that you'd never see anywhere else."
"I have the heart to one day move overseas and open an orphanage. I can see it now, me---still single---with tons of children all around me. They'd call me 'mama' and I'd have cute nicknames for all 127 of them. Who needs to get married and have kids of your own? This is what I really want."
"One day, I see myself traveling all over the world, ministering to thousands of people. Literally, thousands. Preaching with a traveling ministry. That is my dream."
Now, all of these dreams are great. They are imaginative, full of inspiration, were most likely given by a Divine creativity, and cause a certain excitement to rise within you as you listen to these dreamers lavish their deepest wishes and hopes for their future onto your lap. It is always exciting to hear new ideas and "pitches", if you will. But the one thing I've noticed the most from being a dreamer myself, and observing others, is that there is rarely ever a plan outlined to get us out of the parking lot of our dreams on to the highway of reality. We could be great dancers, but have no real training or experience in professional showbiz. We could have great business ideas and street smarts, but lack the education and licensing to be able to open our own shops. We may have the heart for people and deep compassion, but lack the obedience to leave home or the servant hood required to be a missionary. We could even have a great call to ministry and have pastors from all over the world see the anointing on us, but don't have the discipline and character needed to be a shepard worthy of flock that accepts our guidance and teachings.
I think anytime you put ordinary people together with an extraordinarily creative God, dreams and visions are bound to erupt forth in the hundreds, full of power and newness. However, I've taken notice how so many of us dreamers and visionaries sometimes spend so much time dreaming about the future that we have a tendency of wasting time by not putting forth the work that is needed to see these dreams come forth.
What about schooling and education? What about discipline and serving? What about taking one day at a time and being the best you can be with what you have now? What about being content with today and making the most of it so that tomorrow can be even greater?
Another problem that I find while being a dream is that:
2.) Fresh ideas and new visions seem to have an never ending supply, but when it comes to actually following through and seeing these things come to reality, well, that's a whole other story.
Maybe I could blame it on a cop-out disorder like ADD, but I tend to excuse my lack of accomplishment to me being so full of new ideas that by the time I get started with something, a whole other project, event, or insight comes into my mind causing all of my focus and attention to be turned away. I can't seem to divide my mind when it comes to multiple projects. Almost as if each new thought needs my 100% devotion and energy, leaving out the possibility of anything else being in the picture.
This makes a lot of sense when it comes to my relationship habits as well. Be it a friendship, new hobby, or newly found passion for work, I tend to lack the discipline of delegation. I seem to have a hard time putting priorities in place. When something, or someone, catches my attention, it is rare of me to be able to balance other things, or other someones, in my world. Throughout the years, I became somewhat of a "one person, one dream" kind of woman. That leaves little room for anything or anyone else. This is not good. This leaves a lot of people out of the equation and keeps a lot of good qualities from being obtained from all the "others" that I left behind for my new "one person" or new "one dream".
I also notice that when it seems to take too much time, energy, and brain work to make a dream come to reality, I tend to give up. Its easy to accept new things when the old things become too much too hand. When I sort of lose control and are out of ways to complete the older things, its much easier to run to something else to make myself feel fresh again. The old also seems to lose its flavor after a while, and a dreamer like me is always after tasting something new. This is probably why I dream so much in the first place. Again, always discontent.
Whether its a song idea, book idea, video idea, ministry idea, choreography idea, painting idea, community event idea, work idea---they all seem to get pushed aside when the latest and greatest "idea" pops in my mind. This probably explains why I have notebooks full of half-finished songs---I just get bored.
Anyways, I guess you could say that these questions and thoughts have been circulating in my brain these past couple of months. I am learning that you can have all the vision you want, but if you waste your time by not putting forth the work to get there, then all you are going to be is a big pile of dreams with no future.
But even in the midst of my deep thinking, the most amazing realization I have had is that, although it takes determination and a made up mind to have it, there IS a way to have perfect balance. There is a way to be able to sort things out and have focus and put in the work, little by little, to see your dreams come to reality. I've seen this in some of the greatest leaders around me, two of them being my pastors. I've witnessed their walk with God for enough years to be able to say that I've seen two people be the greatest examples of determination, hard work, reliance, and surrender. I realize that God gives us these dreams, but he also requires us to do something in the mean time. We have to to be determined, we have to work hard, we have to rely on him, and then at the end of the day, surrender everything.
This is the only way our dreams ever come to reality. Its a choice that we make. I'm finding that as a dreamer, the most important priority in my life has to be a close, real relationship with God. Otherwise, I'm a jumbled mess with no direction.
If my heart is close to God's, then I don't ever have to worry about where I should be, or where I should go. He will tell me. It is up to me to listen to Him and be content with where I am today.
I have to choose to be content.
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