Wonder Blankie?

I sat in the early afternoon breeze, deeply engulfed in memories of my favorite pillow and the greatness of my bed, when I wondered how on earth I could wake up so unsettled and dissatisfied that I would walk out of my house, yet again, looking like a cross between Oprah and Kurt Cobain...only this time its worse. The sleep deprived theme of the day involves an African inspired tunic dress that looks like it fell right off the pages of a National Geographics magazine and get this--UGG BOOTS??? and jeggings?? Oh, Jordan...

The maintenance boy kept giving me you-poor-thing-you-look-wretched-go-take-a-nap glances as I sat outside eating my lunch, honestly contemplating whether or not using my plate of food as a pillow would look pathetic. I decided it would.

The strapping, young maintenance boy walked around my table half a dozen times. He analyzed the leaf-filled gutters and the pavement with such attention to detail that I almost asked him to come to my house with a duster and give it a go with my ceiling fan--which cried large, chunky tears of dust yesterday when I accidentally hit it while making my bed.

Sometimes a girl just has these kinds of days. I think they are familiar to anyone with a pulse. Ya know, the days where going to work is absolutely necessary but sounds absolutely unlikeable to your sleep-filled eyes. Where getting dressed appropriately for public interaction is fairly impossible and you mow through your morning in a zombie-like trance, with no tolerance for highway traffic or people that don't use turn signals.

While picking at the grilled chicken on my plate, entranced in deep thoughts of my blankie and desperately needing to be 5 again, I honestly considered putting my thumb in my mouth, laying down on the restaurant table and making it my bed for a good half hour. It was in that moment of wild, crazy imaginings that I began to play in my mind with the idea of pouring all of my savings into the invention and distribution of a pillow strap for adults. I reckon it would look kind of like a travel pillow that would rest on your shoulders all day, only with a strap to keep it attached to your neck and a metal bar over the top part where your head would be, kind of like a halo, or orthodontic head gear. This would make quick naps a possible reality for the working girl. It would have a detachable baby bottle full of coffee that would hang down infront of your face for when you wake up, giving you that instant jolt needed to make it through the rest of your day. Attached to the neck of the pillow would be a two-sided blankie which could be worn from either the front or the back. I imagine the blankie would come with two different style options. One would be available in a design suited for the office, home, or play, in which you could wear on your back as a cape for the majority of your day. But when that familiar time came around where some extra zzzz's were needed, you could pull it around to the front, flip it over and enjoy its cozy, plush side as a blanket.

This could be the start of a fashion revolution.

Paltrow, be jealous...

For realz, I think we will be seeing this contraption walking down the runways of New York fashion week in no time. I imagine the paparazzi will be snapping shots of celebrities all over the world wearing their Wonder Blankies and doctors everywhere will prescribe them to every patient complaining of stress, exhaustion, and sleeplessness.

This could change the world.

Anyways, it was right at the moment where the maintenance boy turned on his giant gutter vacuum contraption that I decided it was time to go. I also decided that the invention of the wonder blankie would have to wait for another day, for I had work to do and migraine patients to tend to.

So here in my office do I sit, waiting for this day to come to a close and ready for a reunion with my pillow later tonight.

I really need to go to bed earlier....